Week Three

My apologies for no blog update last week. It was my first week back at work after an extended absence for some surgery and I spent the first half of the week in a fetal position in my office, simply crying and the last half of the week trying to catch up. (And as an aside, you would not believe the number of spam comments I get on this blog site that I have to go in and remove/block. I don’t understand. I have an audience of 12 — or maybe more like, three, and I’m not selling anything or have links to purchase anything. It just seems like a waste of good spammers’ time. But, whatever, it’s why I get paid the big bucks.)

Truth be told, the real reason I didn’t post was self preservation because after Dallas’ second consecutive butt whipping inNFL week two, I was afraid I’d “eat the cheese” as some might say and write something with confidence that I’d regret before they played the lowly Cardinals.

See? I’m more prescient than you think…

Am I worried about my preseason Cowboys Super Bowl appearance prediction? Not too much, honestly. I feel like the Cowboys ate their own cheese last week and will rebound and still be one of the NFC’s true contenders. That defense is legit. They’ll bounce back. The question is, can Coach Mc “hide” Dak for the rest of the season?

Now, as for my AFC prediction? Yes. I am worried. The Bengals seemed to have regressed and I’m not sure Joe B is going to be himself until that leg injury heals completely. And even more worrisome? Those daggone Dolphins of Miami. Holy cow. As I texted one fellow owner this weekend, if Tua stays upright, the rest of the AFC have their hands full. Wow. And how can you not love that dweeby coach of theirs? Score one for the nerds.

In that same vein for the SPFL (in the “hands full” sense, not “nerds” sense), I took a poll and while it was a close vote, we decided not to go ahead and award the SPFL championship to the Piranha Brothers just yet. But geez louise, averaging 175 points per week??? Over 100 total points more than the second best scoring teams, Greased Lightning and the Bitter Midgets, so far??? Lordy.

The Brothers stand at 3-0, leading the Tommy Boy Division with a trio of 2-1 squads (Lightning, Corn, and the Moops), nipping at their heels. The Monkeys and the Turtles are languishing at 0-3 so far. Over in the Matt Foley Division, the Bright 1s and their own owner recruit, Beauty and the Beasts, also boast spotless 3-0 marks with the Bitter Midgets only a game back at 2-1. The No Names are at 1-2 while Heath’s Heroes and the Ghost of Megatron are also perfect at 0-3.

Remember everyone — don’t panic yet. The NFL season is young as is the SPFL season. Don’t forget, we play 14 regular season games now … AND those final two wild card spots go to the top scoring teams regardless of records, so there’s plenty of time to make up ground. And one way to do that? The often mentioned, but rarely used SPFL “Trading Block”. Just text Schefty a rumor and get that puppy barking!

Moops 111 – Turtles 106: According to the Yahoo oddsmakers, this one was an upset, but according to the rest of the league, this was a putrid matchup that had B list broadcasters. The Moops were able to sneak in a W, led by Lamar Jackson (30) and AJ Brown (22) while the Turtle had Kirk Cousins (28) and the lovesick Travis Kelce (19). Please Universe, spare us many more weeks of the Travis/Taylor media saturation. Please.

Midgets 162 – Megatron 132: This too, was a Yahoo upset, but it was a worthy battle, with the Midgets Buffalo D (43) leading the way with Kenneth Walker III pitching in 32. Megatron was led by Amari Cooper (26) and the Patriots D (22).

Beauty 119 – No Names 115: Beauty and her beasts just barely survived the upset bid of the No Names, thanks to Jalen Hurts (22) and Hollywood Brown (17). The No Names were led by Mike Williams (27) for the last time this season, thanks to yet another faulty ACL. Patrick Mahomes pitched in 25.

Lightning 166 – Corn 120: The Lightning cruised to a big win thanks to Davante Adams (42) and the Chiefs D (21) while the Corn had the misfortune of Tyreek Hill (32) not even needing to go full speed, full game. The Philly D added 24 on Monday night.

Bright 1s 157 – Heroes 145: I don’t know if anyone noticed this or not, but Yahoo had projected scores of 126.81 – 126.80 for this matchup pregame and it nearly lived up to its billing. Justin Herbert’s 29 and Deebo Samuel’s 25 led the balanced Bright 1 attack while the Heroes were led by the ageless Adam Thielen (31 — revenge game this weekend!) and Josh Allen (22).

Brothers 208 — Monkeys 160: The Monkeys could have beaten most SPFL teams this weekend with that performance, but they were roadkill to the Brothers, thanks to Raheem Mostert (46) and Tua (30). Heck, the Brothers’ top four scorers would have trounced the lowly Moops’ entire nine man squad. The Thunder Monkeys, despite the loss, piled up some important points, led by Keenan Allen (47) and JaMarr Chase (26).

NEXT WEEK

• Moops @ Midgets
• Beauty @ Turtles
• Megatron @ Brothers
• Lightning @ No Names
• Heroes @ Monkeys
• Bright 1s @ Corn

And so, we now head into another week of fantasy football prep. It comes at us fast these days, seems like, but it’s fun, right? … and while you’re enjoying the heck out of all this fantasy football prep, don’t forget to pay your SPFL league dues! We still have three teams that haven’t paid up yet. And I’ve got medical bills coming due, LOL.

Best of luck and enjoy!

The Commish